Grief is a part of life...
But it doesn't have to be your life
I recently read a book about a woman who had lost her husband suddenly. And when I say suddenly, I’m not being subtle and trying to say but not say, that he died by suicide. That was one of many, significant things I learned in July 2009, that ‘died suddenly’, was the polite way to publish the cause of death without actually saying what the cause of death was.
Her book described her journey in and through the throes of grief. We both lost our husbands, both suddenly (circumstances not withstanding), had young children (she 1, me 2), her marriage was fractured in some ways—mine was on the verge of imploding, and in his absence she was confronted with many things that she had no clue about.
Same.
It was when I concluded the book that I marvelled at how polar opposite our experiences were, despite the similarities, the relatable portions, and commonalities.
But that’s grief.
We can have a similar loss, yet our experience traversing the grief and healing may look nothing alike.
Can Grief Stories Become Stale?
In 2009, I couldn’t find any book or other material about being a widow at 40 with two kids aged 8 & 10. There were no coaches who wrote blogs that I resonated with nor therapists that I aligned with. And that was the way it was then, and I accepted that.
I have witnessed stories of grief, come forward by so many people, both well known and otherwise, using their voice to share their experiences with loss. There are far more tools available, more current options and modalities, that meet the needs of people in this time.
I’m not saying grief is having a moment, because unfortunately it is highly unlikely that it’s going to get cancelled. But what I am saying is that it is more accessible and approachable—far less taboo to talk about.
There are people sharing their experiences on this platform, and just like the book I read, I don’t resonate with all of them. But others will. And finding the people that resonate with you, for whatever you are going through, makes a big difference.
So, I have wondered if talking about the loss of my husband, fifteen years ago, is valid today. Stories and experiences of loss that I share are rarely current, because there needs to be time and distance from the experience before I’m sharing. Sometimes to protect others that may be involved or affected by my talking about it, other times because I too, need to move beyond and have perspective on the experience.
My intention, when I write pieces for, You + Your Grief, please know it is always from a personal experience, unless otherwise stated. And, I intend to write in a way that if it all possible it will be relevant, and won’t feel stale dated.
Finding a Balance
I have often talked about how grief has been one of my biggest teachers in life. It compelled me to learn more about an array of subjects and modalities, which is what I share under the You + Your Life heading.
As an inquisitive person as well as motivated by circumstances, I have sought to learn more about mental health, suicide prevention, the body, trauma, energy modalities, and Feng Shui to name a few. Everything that I have been a student of has been based on meeting a need for myself, or that of VIP people to me.
My motivation commonly comes from asking these questions:
How can this help me or others to heal?
How can it help me to grow and or improve the quality of mine or others’ lives?
I have always, always found value adding to my personal toolkit, and experience fulfillment sharing with others.
What is a Life Reclamation Project?
The combination of grief & life coaching is how I landed on the title, “The Life Reclamation Project”.
Perhaps it is inspired in part from having lived in The Netherlands, where 20% of their land mass has been reclaimed from the sea. However, my definition of a Life Reclamation Project was born in 2017 and the following continues to define it today.
I believe that it is possible…
that the very thing you are holding onto;
may be the very thing that is holding you back.
A Life Reclamation Project is…
➤The untangling of relationships with someone or to something that you hold energy in and about.
➤ The relationship or life experience that makes you feel heavy or empty, and maybe stuck.
YOU +
➤ Your relationship with someone, past or present.
➤ Your relationship with a life experience(s) that were less than awesome.
➤ Your relationship with your unmet hopes, dreams and expectations.
➤ Your relationship with your health & wellness.
➤ Your job, career or money.
➤ Your future.
➤ Your unique relationship with or to ____.
➤ You wished for something more, better or different.
Which bring us to TODAY
If those relationships to someone or to something; have become a filter through which you view your life: past, present and future.
And holding on to them is your normal.
Or you may feel they are holding onto to you.
And you want to move forward and reclaim that energy and that space within for whatever you want more of, want better or different, going forward.
Gratitude
Thank you for taking the time to read this, whether you are browsing or a subscriber, I am intentionally grateful.
May I suggest…
I lost my husband — out-of-the-blue suddenly (and not by suicide, just to be clear) when I was 48. That was 23 years ago, and I think the story and what I learned in the aftermath has a lot to offer others. As you point out, grief is universal and completely personal. So kudos to you for writing it — you probably couldn't have done so with as much perspective and articulation as the intervening time has allowed you.
Your reflections have great impact. Honoring your process.